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The Wildcat’s Beginning
In the beginning when all things were nice
There were no wildcats, there were no mice
And then one day the old man came out
And said, “Let there be wildcats!”
This he did shout.
Then low and behold, a furry wildcat was born
Meowing about on my Cwanga’s farm.
He said, “I’ll do you no harm”
With a sly little smile and plenty of charm.
Oh how that wildcat could lie
With a smug look and a twinkle in his eye.
The struggle between the two lasted for years
Sometimes with laughter and a few tears.
Why o why couldn’t they be friends?
Love each other and make amends.
The wildcat had a beginning and has an end.
His death could come around the next bend.
Victory over the wildcat will certainly come
Give me a piece of strawberry bubble gum.

Irvin L. Rozier

Copyright ©2004 Irvin L. Rozier

About the Author

author, preacher, retired US Army

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Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2005.

THE MERITS OF MISCHIEVOUS MIND-CANDY

– Or, how to improve one’s vapid vocabulary –

In the fast-food, fast-track, and fast-lane of life, there’s precious little time for words any more which is bad news for slow-of-mind folk (like me).

I have no “to-do” list and I don’t own a “Blackberry”. Furthermore, I have no need for “power naps” and I don’t do “power lunches” (unless I’m wearing my tiara, holding my sceptre and handing out titles to members of the realm who probably don’t need them).

Alright, I must confess I do own a cell phone. But, I don’t know how to program the blessed thing with all my favorite telephone buddies. And, what makes matter worse, I haven’t got a clue about the hottest dating device known (to men and women naturally) — text-messaging.

So, how does one go about choosing mischievous mind candy (you know, the sweet, sticky stuff that tickles the imagination and adds a few more calories and carbohydrates to one’s already hyperactive cerebellum)?

Well, take a word like “slob” for instance. It’s a short, four-letter word that covers a multitude of sins, (also a four-letter word that leaves the drawbridge down and the door wide open for interpretation).

Anyway, “slob” lacks shall we say colourful vibrations. In fact, one could say it probably leaves both the user and the recipient in an indubitably bleak state of mind followed closely behind by a complete loss of libido.

So how to bring a spark of interest back to a noun like “slob”? (Note: “Slob” should not be confused with another four-letter word, “slog” as in the verb ‘to toil’ like witches do, ‘to labour’ as rock stars do, or ‘to work’ like a dog …like the rest of us do.)

The answer lies perhaps in tossing the tasteless term into the trashcan, (now stop snivelling …it’s just for one day). Why not take another word out for for a test drive? After all, you’ve got lots to choose from.

In case there’s no handy-dandy dictionary nearby, here’s a luscious list of light-hearted love handles to use (besides “pig” or “hog” instead of “slob” to describe your boss, best friend, or long-lost relative Aunt “P”).

– Abbey-lubber, Afterling,
– Bawdstrot, Blob-Tale,
– Daggle-Tail, Draggletail, Dustman, Drassock, Drossell,
– Fleak, Fonkin, Fopdoodle,
– Hoddypeak,
– Looby,
– Mudlark, Mumper,
– Porknell,
– Ragamuffin,Runcy
– Srubbado, Slattern, Sloven, Slop, Snollygoster,
– Tatterdemalion, Tosspot,
– Walking Mort, Wallydraigle, Wallower, Whiffling, Whipperginnie,
– (and last but not least one of my favorite’s), the Yammering Yokel

Remember, mind-candy doesn’t come with any money-back guarantees - so you might want to use your new-fangled words with care, so as to avoid becoming addicted to them or being bopped over the head by someone with a bigger bumbershoot or a better dictionary than you!

About the Author

Victoria Elizabeth, is a lady of leisure and lollygagging who enjoys playing with words in between doing serious stuff like performing her ripsnorting royal duties as “The Quipping Queen” at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com

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In poker, a player is said to ‘wake up with a hand’ when there is a great amount of action before him in the pot and he ends up looking down to find a monster. Since there are a great many more poker hands that are not worth playing vs. those considered ‘quality hands,’ players often assume that in most hands the blinds and later players will find a hand not worth playing for a lot of raising.

It is also a general rule that with a raise and a reraise in front of you, the value of the hands you pick up goes way down (being that your opponents have shown extreme strength before them), so that when a player does enter the pot after significant action, they are usually given credit for a very big hand.

The idea of ‘waking up with a hand’ comes from the idea that the players before them are making moves and trying to finagle the pot, and then this player, without any other aspect besides getting lucky and picking up AA or KK etc., then gets to come into the pot very strong. Personally, I’ve always found the ‘wake up with a hand’ statement a little ridiculous, in that it is the essence of poker’s nature that all players are given that possibility. Many online poker players seem to have a bit of a sneer about those that ‘wake up with the hand,’ but in the end, it is the nature of the game, and nothing can be done.

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Is debt consolidation the ideal solution for me? Being in a recession (according to the Ernst & Young ITEM Club Autumn forecast), it’s urgent that individuals with financial problems realise the differences between debt consolidation and the other available debt solutions - and know which one could be the perfect solution to suit their situation.

Firstly, it rely’s upon what the future holds. In a recession, it’s more likely than usual to be not very good news - when consumer spending dips and businesses lose money, many firms are forced to make people redundant as a means to stay afloat. For any individual who has got an idea their company could well be laying off staff, a debt consolidation loan might not be a good idea.

Why? One of debt consolidation’s best benefits is the opportunity to reduce the monthly amount an individual pays in debt repayments. Consolidating debt has a bigger impact when the individuals financial situation is fairly stable: when they are aware how much they are making and how much they’re spending each month, they can then work out the perfect way of repaying their debt.

So a person facing the prospect of unemployment might be better off looking into managing their debts, rather than debt consolidation. Debt management makes it possible to have a flexible approach to debt: borrowers can ask debt management experts to negotiate with their creditors on their behalf, asking them to think about accepting reduced monthly payments, waive charges and/or freeze interest.

IVAs require a high level of commitment and need people with their own homes to release some of the equity in their property. Borrowers are required to commit to making fixed monthly payments for (often) six years, based on the maximum they can afford once they’ve taken their needed expenses into account. Even so, an IVA (Individual Voluntary Arrangement) is able to make an important difference - for people whose debts have slowly become out of control, including people facing a sudden fall in income. Granted, Individual Voluntary Arrangements do require a level of financial stability: if the person does not feel they could commit to five years of regular payments, an IVA (Individual Voluntary Arrangement) might not be the best debt solution for them.

Read more about debt consolidation, debt management & IVAs here.

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ANECDOTES OF THE LATE O. S. ARI

” …Ari’s voice, full of wit, filled the room… “
(Mustafa Dogrusoz in ‘Kibris’ -5 February 1999)

” …He always wore a smile… “
(Harid Fedai in ‘Halkin Sesi’ -27 December 1992)

(In his newspaper columns [mostly between 1968-1992 in Cypriot ‘Halkin Sesi’ -also ‘Birlik’ etc.] often by a little story or joke did the hailed teacher-thinker-poet the late Orhan Seyfi Ari [1918- 1992] made or highlighted his points ~so also in his lectures, debates, discussions, teaching his school pupils. These simply put anecdotes are hoped briefly and miscellaneously to familiarise with his wit and a few of the less involved of the very many views he was also popular for…)

DIPLOMATIC COMMUNIQES, he thought, were rather like broadcasting live on the radio a match between two boxers called Abdi and Bandinelli, and announcing the winner as Abdinelli…

‘NEVER TOO LATE to change one’s mind or to make a start’ was not of more use to one, sometimes, or to a nation, than it would be to the driver of a car rolling down a cliff to then decide to drive carefully…

IRRELEVANCY was a natural and common refuge of man ~”You have gone bald!” he joked with a friend who he had not seen for a long time -his friend looked at him, then responded, “Ha..! As if your son’s got more hair than I..!”

THE TROUBLES OF THE WORLD had much to do with this, that some with breathing difficulties had become deep sea divers…

IGNORANT WE ALL ARE of many things, he thought -some of us, even of our ignorance…

PERSEVERANCE it was an example of, the little delicate plant that shots and grows through the concrete of the pavement …

WHINING “O-oh!..” his friend explained, “I missed my train.. oh, I was twenty minutes late.. I am so sorry…” He replied: “Don’t be -you would have missed it also if you were only twenty seconds late..!”

EVOLUTION.. “we were apes”… Now..?! Were we not, now, ‘man’!?..

JUSTIFICATIONS of some reminded him of someone in his early teens to whom he had given leaflets, booklets, on how harmful smoking was -some months later the teenager came to him waving a newspaper which mentioned that an elderly person was a smoker…

RELATIONSHIPS had much to do with knowing that one could not stand before a mirror and make faces and expect to see a smiling image…

STRENGTH did not necessarily suffice ~”I am a wrestler!” threatened one -the other laughed: “But.. I am a runner…”

GOD “Perhaps does not exist;” he said “but, Sir, what if He does..!?”

POPULARITY it helped to wear a smile -the vinegar merchant who smiled had more customers than the honey merchant who did not…

About the Author

Author’s research unfortunately could not include all of the articles of the late thinker -his anecdotes above are not from those articles themselves

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Hello. Mr. Cheapie here again with three more fantastic I-can’t-believe-I-didn’t-think-of-that frugal shopping tips. I already gave you my best frugal eating tips at:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/frugal-living-tip.html

Now let’s move away from food, because it is to always important to buy the sizzle, not the steak. That’s the first tip. If the steak was any good, why would Madison Avenue spend all its efforts selling the sizzle?

Let’s face it, you don’t care which widget fits into the combotubulator under the hood; you just want a sporty new set of wheels painted in flamethrower red.

Here is how you negotiate down the price of a new vehicle. Just say, “No engine, please. No transmission. No coolant. Nothing under the hood, please. Nothing that doesn’t shine when I polish the car in my driveway.

You would be amazed at the astounding bargains you can negotiate on a new car with no engine. Plus, the car will weigh much less, so you will save on gas.

Next, head over to your favorite furniture superstore to buy a TV. Tip: NEVER buy a TV at an electronics store. They will try to sell you a whole bunch of useless and expensive features. The last thing you need is another 962 satellite channels that never seem to have anything on anyway.

Go straight to the wall unit section of the furniture store. They always display life-size cardboard TVs in this section. Most people leave their cardboard TVs behind when they pick up their wall units, so you can get yours for a song.

As a bonus, you always know what is showing on your new cardboard TV and you can save even more money by canceling that useless satellite or cable service.

Next, head to the office furniture section and check out the desks. See those cardboard computers?…

Apply this principal to any electronic equipment - telephones, microwave ovens, blenders. Imagine the fortune you can save just by saying “hold the steak.” If you’re a technophobe, you’ll be even happier.

But what if you really, really want the steak? Suppose you run out of ice cream, you’ve eaten all your foam mattresses and food stamps, and you are so hungry that you are willing to pay for the steak?

The second tip is to pay for the steak with online coupons. You don’t have to flip through flyers for coupons any more. For instance, I found this place that offers lots of free online coupons:
http://www.specialoffers.com

Coupon shopping does have its drawbacks, like the first time you try it you will find the coupons are extremely hard to cut (unless you took my advice and bought one of those really cool cardboard computers at the furniture superstore).

But you’ll get the hang of it, and before you know it you will save even more, because you can slash your scissors budget. Plus, you won’t have to clean up all the coupon clippings from the floor. And think of all the trees you will save.

My third tip is to bid at online auctions. Yeah, I know, you think auctions are only for antiques, multi-million dollar canvasses by dead people with funny accents and celebrity underwear.

But online is different. You can even bid on used chewing gum…which is why I advise being very careful what you bid on. For instance, I found this site:
http://www.farmandfieldauctions.com/fly-fishing-gear.html

Feel free to bid on used fly-fishing-gear. I am sure you will get a great deal. But stay away from any auction for used bait.

Notice all the used hunting supplies you can buy at:
http://www.farmandfieldauctions.com/hunting-supplies.html

However, you will also notice how few auctions there are for used moose meat. There is a reason for that. If aliens capture your brain and you are compelled to bid on used moose meat, please watch for the “urgent” label.

My best advice is not to bid on used chewing gun, used fishing bait or used moose meat. These have very little sizzle, and what steak they have is probably not very tasty.

Happy shopping.

About the Author

Mr. Cheapie is really David Leonhardt, a humor columnist:
http://www.TheHappyGuy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html
Read more satire and funny stories:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html
Buy his happiness book:
http://www.thehappyguy.com/happiness-self-help-book.html
Find personal growth articles for reprint
http://www.thehappyguy.com/self-actualization-articles.html

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Property Index can help with overseas property investment, view the properties available for investment.

Even though the Property Index service must be rated a fairly young organisation, (they were founded in March 2007), they have very swiftly attained to expert status. As a matter of fact, they are a incredibly informal organisation specialising in proposing expert advice to anyone who is proposing to sell land across the globe. Their guarantee is to offer you assistance to locate bang-on what you are calling for very quickly and, as well, easily. Property can be found almost anywhere in the world at the moment, one of the swankiest areas being property available for sale in Spain. It should be easy as one-two-three to determine the splendid real property on the market in Spain, the reason for looking for estate here is the houses and apartments on the market and the ripping possibility of being able to live with such a bubbly, enthusiastic and robust population.

This is one of the most trendy areas at the moment, and in view of the scenic beauty and the climate that surrounds you round the clock, how could you ever say no? Property in Spain is immersed in culture, art and history, this geographical region is and has always been home to lots of nations. Some thirty years back there’d be a mere dribble of Englishmen keen on real property in Spain. Ask anyone who has emigrated to Spain and they are certain to back it up. Lots of people would tag it a transient fashion and others tag it a that’s more or less a fixation… People that are interested in moving to this place will typically range from young couples keen on a bit of a new life perspective to the elderly meaning to unwind and enjoy themselves.

Note that there could well be difficulties when looking to buy real property abroad - expectably there are a million actions to consider be it when strategizing, popping in or finalizing the deal. If you miss out on one single minute action this is sure to easily provoke insurmountable difficulties and, even more importantly, a failed investment. As you may probably have expected with this popular region, real property might be costly in this location which is solely a consequence of the steep market pressure. This notwithstanding, the customer really is spoilt for choice in such a region so richly blessed by sensational panorama. Patently it can boast the lot a client could ever long for and more.

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In many ways, the American home faces the danger of becoming a vanishing institution. Along with its extinction, the family unit as we know it is in danger. Children are not growing up in homes anymore. They are growing up in terminals.

In reality, the American family does not need a home. We are born in a hospital, educated in a college, courted in an automobile and married in a church.

We get our food at the delicatessen and restaurant. We spend our mornings at golf, our afternoons at the club and our evenings romping through the local mall.

When we die, the undertakers will bury us. We do not need a home; all we need is a garage.

Comparing today’s home with its counterpart of 100 years ago, there is quite a difference. With all of our advanced technology, are we, to quote a famous American president, “any better off now than then?”

The average housewife (to use a term not used since adultery was sin) has more timesaving gadgets than her century-ago counterpart. Still, she does not have enough time for her family.

All this time saved by these timesaving devices has to go somewhere. But, where?

Where does “saved time” go? Is there a time warp somewhere in outer space where time goes, like a retirement center for misspent minutes?

Why is it, the more time I save the less time I have? If only I could collect time in a bottle and save it for old age when I will really need it.

If anyone knows, please let me know for I do not have the time right now to figure it out.

Right now, I would not miss an hour here or an hour there.

Today’s mother can cook the family meal in a fraction of the time her grandmother did, but families no longer have the time to eat together. Most families today eat in shifts, thanks to modern technology like the microwave oven.

It seems like many of today’s women are more interested in bringing home the bacon than cooking it. Why didn’t dear old dad marry a woman like grandma?

In years gone by the family spent quality time together. There was a strong sense of family camaraderie and families actually knew each other, and all things considered, loved each other.

People today seem to be so busy trying to make a living that they never really get around to living. I know there are a few high holy days when they do meet, like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Sometimes they even recognize each other.

For many people, the only picture we have of the great American family is the television sitcom.

“Sitcom” is an interesting word. It is a combination of two words; “sit,” which means to watch for long periods of time without moving or speaking, and, “com,” which is short for comatose.

When you put these two words together, it means that the American public will not stand for morality or ethics in their home.

We sure have come a long way, baby. My only question is, how do we get back? Was it really necessary to come this far?

One thing missing in this whole situation is the lack of humor in the family.

I have come to believe in what I call, “laughter therapy.” This is the ability to get yourself back into good humor, and believe me, many people are in a bad humor.

As a pastor, I guess I see this side of people more than other professionals. The violence in the home today is a reflection of this bad humor. Parents are in danger of being murdered by their own children in their own homes.

Just ask any schoolteacher and he or she will tell you that the schoolyard, once filled with the excited voices of innocent children at play, is now the modern war zone in our country.

People today are filled with rage, and the blame rests with the home. It is in the home people learn the skills enabling them to cope with the outside world.

The reason so many people are not able to cope with society in general is that they have never learned to cope within the confines of the modern family unit.

I think that is why God designed the family unit as He did.

Try as we might, we can never improve on God’s creation. An important thing we need to develop within the home environment is the ability to laugh.

People do not know how to laugh or what to laugh at. Many are laughing at the wrong things.

Laughter is important. God created us with an enormous capacity to laugh. What a shame so many people have yet to discover this great and wonderful gift from God.

It is the responsibility of the home, I believe, to cultivate a healthy sense of humor. The family that laughs together can face any situation.

As the old saying goes, “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you; cry and people wonder why you didn’t get the joke.”

The Bible clearly instructs us, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven … A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 KJV.)

The problem with many is that we do not know when to do what.

Again the Bible says, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22 KJV.)

A sick world needs some powerful medicine. It is my conviction that this hilarity begins in the home.

About the Author

Award winning author and popular columnist living in Ocala, FL

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Throughout the years, I’m happy to report, I have learned a thing or two about myself. My only regret is I have not learned more than a few things.

I could make a long list of things I have not yet learned in life. My hope is, of course, to shorten this list drastically. Presently, I want to zero in on one thing I have learned, which has stood me in good stead for many years; how to have an argument with yourself and win.

I once thought I could argue with my Significant Other and win. It took years to realize (1) women, wives in particular, do not argue like men.

(2) Even if I win, I lose, if you know what I mean.

In light of this important marital lore, I have long since ceased arguing with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage.

When sitting in my easy chair, minding my own business, and my wife flies around the corner and stands in front of me with both hands firmly placed on her hips, I immediately say, “It’s my fault, Honey, I did it and I’m sorry. I’ll never do it again.”

I don’t even try figuring out what I did wrong.

Because of this, I have focused on arguing with myself. It is, if I may say so, an art that takes years to master. The key to arguing with yourself and winning is having a good relationship with yourself. This in itself may take years to accomplish and some people, unfortunately, never achieve this in their lifetime.

Let me illustrate something that occurred this week.

A friend for over 35 years contacted me about his granddaughter living in the area and wondered if I might have some time to visit her. Naturally, I said I would be delighted.

I found her address and my wife and I stopped in several times without success. We stopped in the morning, in the afternoon and in the evening, but we never found her at home.

Then we had a breakthrough; we discovered she was working at a local restaurant. Within a few days, we stopped by the restaurant for lunch and requested her table.

She waited on us, took our order, brought our lunch and was a very gracious and wonderful waitress. We didn’t want to intrude, so we just had lunch and went home.

This past week I had some errands on that side of town, so I decided to drop in for lunch and introduce myself. It was one of those days when the traffic was dreadful.

As usual, I was running a little late with my schedule. I happened to look at my gas gauge and noticed I was on empty.

I did a little mental calculation and discovered enough money on my person for gas or lunch, but not both. My credit card, attached to my checking account, was “filthy-lucre-challenged” at the time.

At this point, I began arguing with myself. I could not get home without getting gas. Just a simple fact of life.

It’s not that I haven’t run out of gas before, for I have. And, it’s not like I run out of gas every week, contrary to the opinions of my Better Half, for I don’t.

My argument went something like this:

“This would be a good time to meet her. Just step out in faith and trust God.”

“No, get gas for the car, you can always get lunch some other day.”

Because of the traffic, I had plenty of time to debate thoroughly and heatedly both sides of the issue at hand. This went on for about 30 minutes.

Finally, I submitted the evidence on hand to God. “Oh God, I can’t do both and I don’t know which is the right one to do.”

A peace settled on me and I headed for the restaurant.

At the restaurant, I found the young lady was not waitressing, but was the shift manager for the day. When I was seated, I asked for her. Then I didn’t know what to expect. I really did not know her and she did not know me at all.

She came to my table and I introduced myself. I knew her grandfather, which was an opening for a very delightful conversation. She sat at my table for about 10 minutes and we chatted like old friends.

I finished my lunch and the waitress brought my bill. I stared at it for a few minutes and realized after paying for lunch I had a grand total of 6 cents left. Not quite enough to buy gas for the car. I chuckled one of those nervous chuckles when you don’t know what’s going to happen, but you know you’ve done the right thing.

Then unexpectedly my waitress came to the table, snatched up my bill and said, “Your lunch has been taken care of.” And with that, she whirled away leaving me in a semi-shocked condition.

Going to the door to leave, the young lady came to see me off. I profusely thanked her for the lunch, and she simply smiled.

Driving to the gas station, a verse of Scripture played on my mind.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13 KJV.)

The best way to win an argument is submitting the evidence to God. He always has a workable plan.

About the Author

The Reverend James L. Snyder is an award winning author whose writings have appeared in more than eighty periodicals including GUIDEPOSTS. In Pursuit of God: The Life of A. W. Tozer, Snyder’s first book, won the Reader’s Choice Award in 1992 by Christianity Today. Snyder has authored 8 books altogether.

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One of the great benefits of belonging to a health club is the huge variety of exercise equipment that’s available. It’s also a great place to meet and observe a wide cross section of society. Here are just a few of the more notable health club regulars:

1. Screaming Banshee — We’ve all been focused on our workout when out of nowhere comes a blood-curdling sound from the corner of the weight room. You look over and there’s a guy doing laterals with 20 lb dumbbells. It doesn’t matter what the exercise or weight is — he’s screaming with every rep. If it helps his workouts, then more power to him! It certainly makes a good case for a Walkman.

2. The Strainer — The Strainer can often be observed loading up a barbell or weight stack with poundage that he is unable to perform even a single rep in good form with. A favorite exercise of the Strainer is the triceps press down machine. He will position the pin almost near the bottom of the weight stack and then proceed to wrestle the stack downward with every ounce of his being. It’s truly painful to watch, but like a car wreck, it’s hard to look away.

After using most all of the muscles in his upper body along with several in his lower, he finally manages to complete a rep. “That’s one!” Yep, only nine more to go. Oh yeah, don’t bother trying to be helpful and tell him to use less weight. You’ll only be greeted with a nasty glare.

3. iPod Head Banger — this is usually a young person, male or female, who seems to have ear buds permanently implanted into their head. Music can be a great inspiration during your workouts, but these folks turn the volume up to 11. Of course everyone in the immediate area can groove to the same jams due to the sound leaking out from their ear buds.

The hazard is that Mr. or Ms Head Banger is usually oblivious to their surroundings and you’ll need to shout to get their attention if the need arises. At least you can hear them coming and give them a wide berth.

4. Stanley Steamer — it’s hard to believe, but there are people who actually use their gym memberships just to avail themselves of the locker room amenities. Take Stanley Steamer for example. He may come in on his lunch hour or after work and do some quick cardio work and then it’s right back to the locker room. The cardio work is just a pretext for what comes next.

He then will do alternating shifts between the dry sauna and steam room until he’s sweated out every last drop of water from his body. This process can go on for up to an hour. “Great for the pores!” he’ll tell you as he stands there glistening like a Thanksgiving Butterball. You go Stan!

5. Ken and Barbie — there are some gym regulars who are so genetically gifted that they have gone into permanent “maintenance mode” for they’re training. Their routines consist of a solid core of shaping exercises with the strict rule that they must never, under any circumstances, ever shed one drop of sweat!

No hair is out of place and they look spectacular in their Lycra workout gear. In fact, you seem to never see them wearing anything else, even outside of the gym.

6. Chatty Cathy — Cathy is a relatively new species that has evolved with the proliferation of cell phones and the trend to use them no matter where we are. She will take up position on the adductor machine and wait for a call — any call — which soon arrives without fail.

She’ll talk away for minutes on end. Occasionally passing the cell phone to any friends who have joined her for a “workout”. She’ll use these breaks to get in a few reps on whatever machine she’s parked herself on. Just to be fair and balanced, there are also plenty of Chatty Carls as well.

7. Swiss Ball Magician — this is usually either a personal trainer or staff member who has learned a large repertoire of stability ball exercises from a special course or secret training manual. I marvel at the endless variety of moves they possess!

They’re on top of the ball, under it, along side it, between the legs with it, and around the back. They make the Harlem Globe Trotters look like pikers! Actually, I pay close attention when they’re around and try to cop some of their moves.

All of these types are well-meaning folks and they are certainly preferable to some of the knuckleheads that sometimes show up at the gym. They make going to the gym the enjoyable and enriching experience that it is.

About the Author

Rich Rojas writes elliptical trainer reviews and articles on health and fitness at EllipticalHome.com

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